Cthulhu’s Corner: I’ll Take the Refugees!

Cthulhu's CornerIf you’ve come here expecting to hear an update on my battle with the City Council over the fate of the Abandoned Asbestos Factory at the Edge of Town, I’m afraid I will leave you disappointed.    The entire matter is currently wrapped up in a serious legal hullabaloo and there is a gag order on all the disputants that is currently being enforced by the local PD and the Great Race of Yith.  It’s a whole thing.
Anyway, what I am actually here to discuss today is a matter of national politics and security rather than one of mere local interest.  That issue is the flood of refugees fleeing the violence in Syria and the fear-mongering currently being employed by the insane members of that eldritch horror-guild the GOP.

Syria is a clusterfuck.  And as someone who bore witness to the creation of this world and the wars that have plagued it through the ages, when it comes to clusterfucks I know where from.  That place is a mess right now.  Bashar al-Assad, who is certainly the most evil ophthalmologist of the last twenty years, is bombing his own people while various rebel groups try to overthrow him while they both fight against ISIS.  Turkey is using the whole thing as an excuse to bomb the Kurds while the US supports the Kurds and Russia bombs whoever they feel like.  Don’t buy any real estate there.

What is certain about the Syria mess is that more than 10 million innocent Syrians have been displaced from their homes by the conflict.  That’s a lot of humans.  And I know that you lesser races breed in an excessive quantity and I care less about any single individual among you than I do about the litter scattered on my floor by Unnameable Cat, but that is still a horrendous amount of shattered lives.  It shames me to say this, but that is more human suffering than I could hope to cause over the next several aeons before the stars are right.  But believe me, once those stars are right, you will all suffer unimaginable horrors that are simply beyond your ken or ability to imagine.  BEWARE!  BEWARE!!

Excuse me.  Sorry about that.  Syria, right?  Yeah.  So, there is a flood of displaced humanity trying to escape the hell-hole that Assad and ISIS have made out of their home nation.  If only there was some strong nation in the world that prided itself on humanity and caring for others and welcoming in the oppressed peoples of the world.  If only that nation wasn’t a nation of cowards.

Thousands Of Syrian Refugees Seek Shelter In Makeshift Camps In Jordan

These are the beings that the GOP candidates are terrified of.

As part of your strange tradition of spending more time arguing about who should become President than that person will ever spend in in office, the refugee question has recently become what you might call a ‘hot topic’.  Now I know Hot Topic.  They sell a lot of merchandise with my image on it and they don’t give my any royalties, so I am not a fan of them but I do know of them.


This is the being that you should fear.  I will come for you all.  This lighthouse will be the first of many lighthouses to fall to my wrath.

The line being taken by nearly everyone of the GOP candidates for President is that the Refugees are dangerous, that they aren’t being screened, and that it’s perfectly fine to turn such tired, huddling masses yearning to breathe free away from American shores.  They are trying to make Americans afraid and, like they did with Ebola, they are succeeding despite all of the evidence being against them.  They profess to be courageous and strong but they are expressing nothing but cowering fear.  You can smell it on them.  You can breathe in the madness and savor it.  They are blowhards and cowards of the highest order.  I could show myself before them and shove fear directly into their brains and it would not be as effective as the fear they have willing inculcated within themselves.  And they want more Americans to be just as weak-knee a terrified as they are.  They want you all to revel in fear and anxiety and translate it into hatred and, so they hope, votes.

But they were wrong about Ebola and they are wrong about refugees.  Refugees are not terrorists.  Refugees are the victims of violence not the perpetrators of it.  Do not be afraid.  Do not give into fear-mongering and cowardice.  Unless it is the fear of being consumed by a Great Old One when the stars are once again aright.  When that happens, your fear is greatly deserved and greatly relished.


Syrians have gills right?  They’re gonna need gills.  And some masons would be nice.

And lest you ask, I am willing to place my money where my mouth tentacles are.  That is why I am announcing, today, that I am willing to take 100,000 Syrian refugees into my home.  I will house them within the cyclopean towers and bastions of lost R’lyeh.  There they will be safe from ISIS and from the hatred and ignorance of the cowards who rail against them.  We shall wait out the strange aeons together, waiting for a time when America recognizes again its moral obligation to help the suffering innocents displaced by war.  Or until the stars have shifted and I may once again roam free across the globe, consuming all of your foolish and wasteful race.  I would expect the latter to occur sooner.


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