Follow These Easy Steps to Win Any Argument!

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Tired of being walked all over by your opponent? Want to beat out the competition during debates? You too can be a master-debater by following these easy steps:

Step one: Say that you are offended by your opponent’s claims. By saying this, your opponent HAS to feel sorry for what they are saying. “It’s in the rules of debate,” said Dr. D. B. Haeter in a statement to the Spew. “It’s the best strategy you can use because, honestly, what defense is there against it?” Once you have established that your feelings are hurt, there is almost no chance they will want to further offend you. Otherwise they will look like a dick.

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Step two: Declare that they are being racist/homophobic/sexist. That’s right! Point your finger and say it. It’s almost always possible to shape the direction of the argument to these themes and manipulate their words into making it sound like they hate human beings. Once you have done this and declared their horrible crime against humanity, you can proceed to break down all of their beliefs so that they are the embodiment of WRONG, because everyone knows that if your ideals are incorrect, your existence is false.

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Step three: Let them know that what you are saying is triggering you. Psychological disorders are no joke and must be treated by doctors. The serious nature of these mental problems leads to people being extremely sensitive to their disorder or anxiety. This gives you an ample opportunity to take advantage of an array of mental disorders. Take your pick. Go to the Mental Institute of Google to find the best one to work for you. Once you declare your mental state, the other party has no way to refute your claims as they cannot uncover your confidential patient file. It keeps your story safe, and your opponent has to feel sorry for you and concede to your side of the argument. Need an example? Go on the social media site Tumblr and look at any thread with the keyword “trigger.”

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Now that you have these handy tips, you can guarantee a victory in any argument you have, whether it be online, family dinner, or class argument!